Rage Doll and The Raven

Three weeks following my surgery I am experiencing tremendous bouts of uncontainable rage. It is quite unsettling and quite unlike me. I am trying to befriend this new emotion or, at least, to sit with it in acceptance for the moment. This Rage Doll poured through me this weekend. She may have saved many innocent bystanders from experiencing my wrath had I dared to go out in public rather than stay inside my womb-like studio and express through my creation.

The beads pouring out of her mouth beautifully express the rage pouring forth from me related to a combination of issues from my past, recovering from surgery, and hormonal attempts at rebalancing. After I finished making her, I noticed that she has a regal mermaid-like quality. She appears beautiful, centered, and powerful even in her ragefullness.

She is holding a sea shell in her triumphant raised hand that symbolizes once again my ovary...the one that was taken and the one that remains...I am so grateful for my ability to create through process! This journey contains both extreme challenges and a deep richness...I probably would have it no other way...


P.S. I found this fabulous Folkmanis Raven puppet by chance today. She embodies so much of how I am feeling as well as the mystery behind all of this turmoil. She gets along well with my Rage Doll self. In one of my favorite books, Animal Speak, her characteristics are Magic, Shapeshifting, and Creation. Raven "teaches how to go into the dark and bring forth the light...This is creation." I relate to her disheveled feathers, slight air of irritability, sense of humor, and great access to deep wisdom...I am taking her to school with me tonight!

Healing Altar

Here is a healing altar that came through spontaneously last night in my magic bedroom. As soon as I completed it, I stopped to absorb what I had done. I heard my owl begin to call from the tree outside at that very moment. It was very beautiful and affirming...I used things that were readily available in my room.

The angel is from my favorite Hospice thrift store's half off sale last weekend. When I brought her home, I suddenly realized that she is composed of my grandmother Camilla's china pattern.

I found a clearance book called Natural Mandalas at Barnes and Noble this week. I was so moved by the photographs that I mounted them on black foam core to bring to the hospital with me. There are 30 in all!

The beaded hand postcard on the altar came with a healing gift from Bobbi. I will post the lovely spirit doll later!

This is just the beginning of the altar, I will post updates as they unfold. My soul is warmed!

Surgery on Monday. Thank you all for sending a blanket of love and healing the colors of the sea from 8:45 to 9:15 AM Mountain Time on Monday, January 26th! I have had many responses from friends telling me all of the amazing things that the mermaids will be doing during the surgery...lying on the tempurpedic bed luxuriously eating seaweed, etc...

Surgery Shaman

This shaman doll surprised me up to the very last moment of her creation. I saw a photo in an anatomy book of a female pelvis complete with reproductive organs. I bought the book and cut out the pelvis knowing that it would be just the right size for a doll related to my upcoming hysterectomy. I spent the evening painting, glittering, and placing jewels onto the tiny cardboard pelvis while making sure that I left the lines of the initial diagram intact. It reminds me of a butterfly...

I spent another two days working nonstop on the figure of the doll. It was a birthing process which is how I feel about the preparations for my surgery. I used friendship bracelets for her colorful hair...She has jewels of the sea and fish swimming throughout...I kept placing the anatomical drawing on her pelvis as her construction progressed. For some reason, it never felt quite right.

At the very end, I hesitantly placed the mask over her face just to see what might transpire...That was the moment that the spark ignited the flame of my creation. She took on a tribal quality that embodied strength, wisdom, beauty, protection, healing and joy! These are the qualities that I will move forward with into this new courageous phase of my life...

I have been experiencing many days of not feeling well recently. It is difficult for me to photograph and post my work...Please continue to stay in touch with me. My art blog family is an essential and cherished part of my life!

My surgery date is set for January 26th. I am asking all of my friends and family to think of me during the half hour before my procedure which will be between 8:45-9:15 AM Mountain Time. The surgery will begin at 9:20AM. Mark your calendars and wrap me in a blanket of love made up of all of the healing colors of the sea...you can throw in some shells and seaweed and don't forget the mermaids...

Angel Blessings for the New Year

Here is an angel that I sold at Christmas. She holds the energy of the Great Mother. She is connected to the earth and the sky. I had so much fun creating her. I call her the "Eclectic Angel." She reminds me of an old world Santa laden with gifts. Her gifts are purely spiritual in nature and filled with abundance and joy!

I am filled with joy and gratitude as I enter this new year. I have experienced so many miracles this season. Facing my upcoming surgery has brought me deep opportunities for healing my past. The healing process is creating new space within me that is rapidly being filled with light, hope, and grace...Amazing how facing difficulties can lead to the clearest path to ourselves, others, and our connection to our own spirits, the universe, and to God...

I am grateful for all of my friends and family who are supporting me so tremendously at this time. I am often moved to tears by the support that I am receiving from my newer and most special art blog family...It is so amazing and affirming to form bonds so quickly with like minded, gifted, wise, creative women so filled with love and huge compassionate hearts...

And, of course, gratitude for my animal family...more soul shamans in my life...Frenchy and George, the large red fox who lives nearby, and the Great Horned Owl who calls to me daily from the tree just outside of my upstairs office window...

King George the Christmas Kitty

He immediately hopped into an antique boat that many of my dolls (and bones!) live in in my living room.

He is happy to sail with them on adventures...

...and to stretch out with his new friends for a long winter's nap!


George Takes The Spirit House By Storm!

He is truly a magical being...fortunately, the angels are tied down!

I stopped by the local, lovely pet supply store for a bag of dog food. Well, I came home with a new kitty. A woman was holding an amazing six month old kitten and visiting with me. Her friend, Ann, who bred the cats was there as well. We talked and I asked how much that breed of cat would cost. He is a Scottish Fold...She said that some sell for as much as $1,000.00. Then she said that she would be happy to give me one as a gift. How could I refuse? I told her that I wanted this kitten's brother. Somehow, I knew that this cat was meant to be with me-sight unseen! She showed up at my house forty minutes later with my beautiful kitten! Thank you for the wonderful gift, Ann!

I named him King George. He loves to crawl into my arms and purr for long periods of time. He likes to give kisses and mark my forehead as well. Truly an honor! He is definitely a healing cat. It feels like he has lived with Frenchy and me always. George and Frenchy actually playfully shared one of Frenchy's balls today!

I am intrigued by the fact that my friend Dot in Australia had just finished making a special kitty doll for me to take with me to the hospital. Thank you Dot! I had no intention of getting a real kitty but in some wonderful way, her kitty manifested in my life! Now I will have two kitties. Which one do you think should come to the hospital with me?

The Owl King

I love his wise flower eyes!




Here he is with The Keeper of the Keys.

This is “The Owl King.” He came through immediately following the completion of “Keeper Of The Keys.” I seem to have numerous forms of owls presenting themselves to me both in my art dolls and my daily life. I was playing with a piece of batik fabric when I spotted a tree branch design that looked like a beak. My hands took over from there and before I knew it, I was stuffing this whimsically regal owl.

Like his predecessor, the “Keeper Of The Keys,” he has a large key attached to his chest. The beaded picot edging was inspired by Robin Atkins’ designs in her book Spirit Dolls. I used two multi-faceted beads with green flowers on them for the intensely playful eyes. The beak is constructed from multiple shapes and sizes of bronze-toned beads.

The frog is a Japanese design carved out of wood. I added an antique Chinese coin to the leaf that holds the frog. Many of my creations contain a frog element right now. The frogs are playful and they represent transformation. I used to collect pollywogs in the lagoon next to my beach house where I grew up. I loved watching them transform into frogs.

“The Owl King” also has a bronze-toned wreath of acorns combined with filigree gold trim for a crown. I used three golden metal leaves to embellish his right wing. He actually embodies qualities of both the owl and the frog. He represents a metamorphosis himself!

I am also experiencing a deep process of metamorphosis myself as I face the many details and emotions related to my hysterectomy in January. The winter solstice takes place this weekend. I am emerging from a dark time into the light. I am experiencing a sense of reconnection as I examine many parts of my life. The emotions that have been flooding through me over the past week are providing me with a deep sense of healing and cleansing of issues from the past. Not an easy process but filled with beauty and renewal...

Snow Angels

My"Snow Angel" complete with an elaborate sash around her waist...



I love his melty, green eye!

I work on the dementia unit at a nursing facility in Boulder. My favorite resident died today...I had a feeling something was very wrong. No one seemed to understand that she was actively dying. I was the only one in the room with her and having no luck in trying to calm her. Everyone thought that she was just sick.

I pulled a chair up to her bed side and listened. I finally discerned the word from her agitated state-It was "Pray." I said, "Anna, do you want me to pray with you?" She said yes and continued with her agitated babbling. I prayed and saw a group of her very own angels surrounding her in comfort. I had to leave for the doctor...I just learned that she died soon after I left.

My mother died at Christmas. I was the only one there for her as well...the lyrics to the Sarah McLachlan song came to mind when I shared my story about Anna..."In the arms of the angels. Fly away from here..." It was the song that was popular at the time my mother died. I ached for a mother to hold me. I talked with a friend about the fact that being there for Anna may have been the purpose for having the job at the nursing facility. I may have truly made a difference in the life of another. I know she made a difference in mine!

I do believe that we have angels in each of our lives and that we may be angels for others when we least expect it. I went to bed last night with a sense of miracles...

Early this morning, when I stepped into the snow filled courtyard, I saw an angel constructed out of snow...miracles and angels...After I took the photo, I realized that my imagined angel was actually the backside of a snowman! He has a Haagen Das ice cream container for a hat and the funny pages from the Sunday paper for a scarf!

Believing can manifest in such simple and profound ways. Sometimes following the darkest night...Do you believe in miracles?

"The Guardian"

He and Frenchy, on his right, are mirroring each other...


Here is an amazing being who came through a few months ago. I call him "The Guardian" because his presence is so powerful. I came across a piece of an old fur coat that I had discovered in the garage of an old house. The moment my fingers touched the thick, soft fur, I felt this doll beginning to emerge. I worked straight through as he poured through my fingers. This was the first time that I started using my kitchen forks for claws...I finally had to buy a new set of cutlery!

I love his expressive face and lanky, long, legs accented by the forks. He has a wonderful long, feathery tail that gives him a bird-like quality. He is kind of a combination human, cheetah, and bird...Magical and mysterious! I am featuring him today because I have been spending some extra time with him. I will be selling him to help pay for my upcoming surgery...In fact, I believe that he is already sold...to a very good home!

"Sea Lioness" Revealed

I had to take a new close up photo. Blogspot was misbehaving and refused to put the original on horizontally! Now you won't have to crane your necks to see it! I am increasing my technical skills daily...


This is the only photo that gives a full view of her tail. It has cut-out beautiful fabric flowers sewn onto the trim.



She looks like she is swimming underwater in these photos...

"The lion's roar is to silence what the shooting star is to the dark of night." Laurens van der Post

Art Doll Soup has been quite a journey this week! I have spent the week recovering from a cyst that ruptured on my ovary. I feel like fireworks are taking place inside of the constellation of my feminine self. Surgery, a hysterectomy, has been scheduled for January. I have been struggling with multiple issues related to my uterus over the past year. I have missed many weeks of work. The emergence, finally, of this lovely doll has helped me to get through a very difficult and, at times, very dark week filled with emotion and grieving. I am beginning to emerge as well...

I am actually now grateful for parts of the challenging process that is taking place. I have only been able to drink liquids. Craving carrot juices and now intensely green drinks. I am both a mad scientist and an artist in the kitchen with my juicer in my determination to restore and supplement my health. (Frenchy, my tiny, wise dog, runs for cover each time I press the on button of the magical, roaring, cacophanous machine!) I am beginning to have clarity on issues that have been clouded by the foods that I used to stuff some deep emotions. Once again, the light is beginning to come out of the darkness.

So here she is! The "Sea Lioness." I used the cover off of one of my pillows for fabric. There are five different types of yarn incorporated into her wild mane of hair. I LOVED making her hair. It is delightful!

I cut the body design freehand based on my design for "My Swimming Self." She ended up with a wonderful curvy shape. I used shells once again for her fingers and toes. She has a beautiful piece of abalone over her heart for protection and radiance.

I used mung beans to stuff her legs and some small baggies of brown basmati rice inside her body to help with her balance. (I realized after doing this that those two ingredients help with my balance as well in one of my favorite Ayurvedic healing foods-Kitcheree.) I do hope that Frenchy doesn't try to eat her!

The word that kept coming to me as I was making her is "Courage." I thought of the lion in the Wizard of Oz. I may embroider some courageous words onto her body. Possibly a ROAR as well! I will also add a picot beaded edge...I'll wait and see what else she might ask for...

Art Doll Soup

Here is a photo of an emerging doll. The birth process has been complicated. She keeps speaking to me and telling me different things. Yesterday afternoon I finally had to go for a drive-for four hours!-because I couldn't tell what she was asking for. I beaded her face a few weeks ago. Her hair came through late last night after my "fresh air" drive. It was so much fun to make! I stayed up way too late...

She keeps telling me that she is a mermaid from the sea. Then she begs to wear a cape of glittery, jewel-toned, flowing, synthetic fabric...I am torn between getting my hands deep into the gifts from the sea and following her to a disco party! For a while she was "The Handless Maiden." Now she is the armless, headless...making up her mind maiden...I will be patient. Wait and listen. Art cannot be forced...She is already quite fabulous and so beautiful...She actually looks in the photo like she just washed up on a sandy shore...I feel that way quite often myself...Actually, this is exactly how I am feeling today!

My Plastic Self

I made this doll from a dream. She is "My Plastic Self." Making her was a powerful and transformative process. I used the sketch that I made following the dream. She is made of clear plastic. It was a fun experiment to hand embroider the stitches that define her through the plastic. I was wonderfully surprised when a clear pocket in her chest began to fill with jewels from the sea and sky, hearts, and a glow-in-the-dark fairy to watch over it all. Her hair is from a horse's tail and mane. She is so simple and so very complex all at once. Just like me...

Frenchy

Here is a photo of my dog, Frenchy. He is so much more than a dog. I call him my "familiar." I think that he calls me Girlie. He is addicted to miniature tennis balls. He has an inner Labrador Retriever. I can hear him prodding me: "Just throw the ball, Girlie. Throw the ball." He also likes sea shells since he was raised on the beach. He carries them around the house when he discovers them in my doll-making supplies. He is quite small. Five pounds. He tolerates being "cuddled" in very brief increments. Then he growls to tell me it is time to throw the ball again. I realized that I may have a low tolerance for too much cuddling as well...I'm working on it...I miss him when I am at work...We are pretty much inseparable. He is a wise soul. I am very grateful to have him in my life.

Keeper Of The Keys

Here is one of my recent spirit dolls. He is called "Keeper Of The Keys." His shape and picot beading around his edges were inspired by Robin Atkins' book "Spirit Dolls." I had an insight prior to his creation about the ways that I can keep myself trapped behind the bars of cages that no longer serve me. I realized that the door to the cage can be standing wide open inviting me to fly free from my former constraints and feelings of bondage and I can still choose to pull the bars back over myself like a warm and familiar blanket. I am challenging myself to assess these patterns and the construction of this amazing Soul Shaman has led me to new and powerful insights and discoveries about myself and the world. I randomly chose the black and white batik fabric without knowing that I would experience an astounding encounter with a black and white Barred Owl during this creative process! I had no intention of including the sea in this process until I was called to place the iridescent fish bead in the center of the body. The words that I heard as I held the fish tentatively in place were "To truly heal, you must return to the sea." I immediately secured the fish to the body!

Preparation Sketch

Here is a sketch and layout that I did a few weeks ago for "The Keeper of the Keys" spirit doll that I just finished. (He will be posted next week!) I don't usually sketch or plan before I create. This was fun to play with. I set it out surrounded by intention while I waited for the actual doll to come through.